The Update Finally...

So I left off with how frustrated I felt by CD25 and no BFP... Just to put it in perspective I woke each morning with my POAS ritual and added to my supply of used pee tests... all showing me BFN after BFN.

On March 31st I laid down next to my hubby sure all the pregnancy symptoms I had were in my head and I was a loony Birdie with a psychological pregnancy because of wanting it so bad. I questioned my hubby, "Are you sure God told you this is the right time? Because I feel like crap and since I just went back to work and people are coughing and sneezing all over me I think I'm coming down with a bug... I keep getting negatives and I feel like CRAP!" Love looked at me and patted my arm, "Birdie, I promise God told me you were going to get pregnant and this is the time we are going to finally have a baby of our own. Don't doubt God, He's got this." (Me in tears) "Okay, but I'm scared and I'm trying really hard to hold onto my Faith, but maybe Dr Awesome was right, I'm old... maybe my eggs are crusty and dusty and old... maybe they aren't COUGAR EGGS.... What then?" Love kissed my forehead and 'said, they are good eggs, and we will have a baby Birdie. I love you." The next morning, CD26and12DPO I sat on the toilet and said a prayer, God, I'm not bargaining, I just wanted to let you know that I accept your will. Positive or Negative, I will praise you. You have all knowledge and power, and you work all thing together for your good. If we are pregnant Lord I pray that you show me now so I may share this blessing and confirmation with our Church family, They have been praying for our treatments and praying over our family for so long Lord. I want this baby to show glory to you. Amen. PS I really want to surprise our Sr Pastors! AMEN They have been our biggest cheerleaders on the sidelines... they were labeled barren and went onto have 5 children after medical intervention failed. So infertility has been a huge part of their life, and their Faith. I took the test and saw this on April 1st:

Our April Fools Day Surprise! I immediately composed myself and kept squinting and twisting the test back and forth in the dim light at 6:45am... When I ran to the bedroom and laid down I nudged my snoring my hubby... "Love?....Love?" I whispered and he groggily responded, "Huh what? is it time to get up for church? It's really dark in here." I replied, "When our baby is talking what do you want him or her to call you? Baba, Daddy?" He opened his eyes and said Daddy I guess... Then I said well good because your are going to have to start thinking about this stuff, because WE'RE PREGNANT!" and I showed him my "squinter positive!" When we got to church we told our Pastors and Love flagged down basically all 3500 fellow parishioners to tell them! I got to tell about 5 people... but thats okay, It feels good seeing my husband beaming with pride over this long awaited and anticipated pregnancy... Just to be sure it wasn't the worst April Fools joke ever, on Monday morning I took my last 2 tests! and here they are:

Yep folks I took 19 tests in all and had 3 positives after our trigger shot ran out of my system...

Our First Beta was scheduled for Tuesday, and it came in at 90.5 and our 2nd Beta came in today at 211! We are rising nicely and now wait for our first U/S on April 23rd at 7am. I have to continue to take prometrium because my progestrone level is 23.5 and the doctor wants to ensure our pregnancy sticks!

A.R.T. and Our Faith

So Love and I went to Church today, he actually attended service (not that that is rare...its a lifestyle for us.) and I was in a meeting with one of our Senior Pastors. We were married by her and she has been through everything with us, our pre-marriage counseling, and as my husband recovered from his stroke, through our failed surrogacy tries, and now as we take this next step toward completing our family. Now I know there is a HUGE debate in the "Christian" community regarding A.R.T. and donor gametes, as well as surrogacy, but I have to tell you... In my church home there has never been anything but open arms, love and acceptance.

So Pastor Lady and I sit down, and she starts off by saying so how are things going on the surrogacy front? We were meeting for many reasons, but her first thought for me is "Birdie, when are you gonna have your baby?" (did I mention I love this woman!) She in my mind is so much more than just 1/2 of our Senior Pastor team. She is like our very own cheerleader, or a replacement mom, as my mother passed away 8 years ago. It humbles me so much to know she is right there in the trenches rooting for us...but I digress. I say well hold on I have to tell you a few things first then I will tell you about surrogacy. So I blurt out everything Love and I have gone through since our return to Littlebigtown Midwest, and she assures me that we made a good decision regarding family,. We talk about Froggy and how concerned I was over him last semester, and I tell her what a rockstar he is being in school now and he is communicating well with his father and I. (YAY Froggy!). Then I turn the conversation to Donor IUI (which we talked over briefly during our pre-marriage counseling along with the other options open to us... Adoption and Surrogacy) and Love's change of heart regarding it. I share with her that he is ready to take this step to have a child because of a few reasons:

1. our age 
2. financial concerns
3. we want to have a 2nd child and know in a couple years our finances would be in line with a surrogacy try. (For now however we just can't swing two surrogacy journeys, and by the time we could we wouldn't be able to use my eggs due to age). 
4. Love prayed about it over the past couple years. His heart has been softened by hearing and reading other Christians stories of Family Faith and Infertility. 

I talked fast, almost like I felt I needed to plead our case then turned to her and said, so now I have to ask..."Is the Church okay with our following this avenue to start our family?" She smiled and covered my hand as Pastor Lady said this, "The Church doesn't take a formal stance on this subject. The leadership feels that this is a decision that a husband and wife must make on their own after prayerful consideration. We feel that this is between you and God. We are completely supportive either way." Have I mentioned how much I love my Church lately? Because I do, I really, really do!

We left church today feeling completely at ease with our decision, and that our Church family will be open, welcoming, loving and nurturing to our child however he or she comes into existence. AND that folks, is the definition of being a Christian. Love like Christ.

Next appointment for baby making is February 15th! Did I mention that our RE is also the coolest Christian doctor I know? When I was scared before retrieval December of 2010, he totally prayed over me...I have to say Love and I have the best support system here in Littlebigtown, Midwest.

OH yeah and Pastor Lady said a while back there was a lady at our church that emailed and asked what the Church's view on Surrogacy was, because she really felt led to become a surrogate...WOW small world, still doesn't change the fact that we are just not able to swing surrogacy fees right now. BUT  the Church Leadership is being supportive toward A.R.T. and that soothes my soul.