The Update Finally...

So I left off with how frustrated I felt by CD25 and no BFP... Just to put it in perspective I woke each morning with my POAS ritual and added to my supply of used pee tests... all showing me BFN after BFN.

On March 31st I laid down next to my hubby sure all the pregnancy symptoms I had were in my head and I was a loony Birdie with a psychological pregnancy because of wanting it so bad. I questioned my hubby, "Are you sure God told you this is the right time? Because I feel like crap and since I just went back to work and people are coughing and sneezing all over me I think I'm coming down with a bug... I keep getting negatives and I feel like CRAP!" Love looked at me and patted my arm, "Birdie, I promise God told me you were going to get pregnant and this is the time we are going to finally have a baby of our own. Don't doubt God, He's got this." (Me in tears) "Okay, but I'm scared and I'm trying really hard to hold onto my Faith, but maybe Dr Awesome was right, I'm old... maybe my eggs are crusty and dusty and old... maybe they aren't COUGAR EGGS.... What then?" Love kissed my forehead and 'said, they are good eggs, and we will have a baby Birdie. I love you." The next morning, CD26and12DPO I sat on the toilet and said a prayer, God, I'm not bargaining, I just wanted to let you know that I accept your will. Positive or Negative, I will praise you. You have all knowledge and power, and you work all thing together for your good. If we are pregnant Lord I pray that you show me now so I may share this blessing and confirmation with our Church family, They have been praying for our treatments and praying over our family for so long Lord. I want this baby to show glory to you. Amen. PS I really want to surprise our Sr Pastors! AMEN They have been our biggest cheerleaders on the sidelines... they were labeled barren and went onto have 5 children after medical intervention failed. So infertility has been a huge part of their life, and their Faith. I took the test and saw this on April 1st:

Our April Fools Day Surprise! I immediately composed myself and kept squinting and twisting the test back and forth in the dim light at 6:45am... When I ran to the bedroom and laid down I nudged my snoring my hubby... "Love?....Love?" I whispered and he groggily responded, "Huh what? is it time to get up for church? It's really dark in here." I replied, "When our baby is talking what do you want him or her to call you? Baba, Daddy?" He opened his eyes and said Daddy I guess... Then I said well good because your are going to have to start thinking about this stuff, because WE'RE PREGNANT!" and I showed him my "squinter positive!" When we got to church we told our Pastors and Love flagged down basically all 3500 fellow parishioners to tell them! I got to tell about 5 people... but thats okay, It feels good seeing my husband beaming with pride over this long awaited and anticipated pregnancy... Just to be sure it wasn't the worst April Fools joke ever, on Monday morning I took my last 2 tests! and here they are:

Yep folks I took 19 tests in all and had 3 positives after our trigger shot ran out of my system...

Our First Beta was scheduled for Tuesday, and it came in at 90.5 and our 2nd Beta came in today at 211! We are rising nicely and now wait for our first U/S on April 23rd at 7am. I have to continue to take prometrium because my progestrone level is 23.5 and the doctor wants to ensure our pregnancy sticks!

CD25 and 11DPO dIUI

Hey everyone! My progesterone level was 12.4 when checked and I was told by Dr Awesome's Nurse that he is very happy with that to keep up the progesterone suppositories and that I ovulated well. I've been POAS every single day and they have all been negative once my trigger shot went out of my system... I had some low back ache and crampy low belly stuff going on this past Wednesday 8DPO and I was told that could be implantation pain. I thought it felt kind of like my normal PMS stuff, but its gone not. I have absolutely no PMS symptom stuff going on now. I do however have some sensitivity to smells and yesterday and today I've had more acid reflux stuff going on. This morning I woke pretty queasy. I've been told all of this stuff is potential early pregnancy symptoms. Still praying this worked and that we will have a little one come Christmas time!

CD20 and 6DPO

I tested out my trigger shot and now am testing negative... it's early so I'm not freaking out. I'd be remiss to say however that I would have loved for my trigger shot to stay positive and for me to never see that negative come up. I know that I'm feeling some nausea but that could be from the love progestrone I have to use now. I will post as soon as I know anything... I just don't want to log on and blog "yeah folks still negative. I have a system down for the mornings though... I wake to my alarm and go directly to the restroom POAS and set it aside, insert my morning dose of Progestrone, wash my hands and go to the night stand next to the bed. I take my baby aspirin and prenatal vitamin and lay back down for 1 hour... then I get up and go check my pregnancy test... this way I am gonna be really surprised to see a positive when it happens... because I'm thinking this has to work this time. I'm keeping the dream alive! I test my progestrone levels tomorrow and then have my first day back to work Wednesday so life is gonna get a bit busier. I'm looking forward to sharing some great news by a week from tomorrow... because thats BETA Day! WAHOO! 8 more days!

dIUI Take 1

At our IUI today we had 19.8 motile sperm for our first IUI and the procedure went on with no cramping or any discomfort... actually the nurse told me that I would feel pain like a pap smear and I am happy to report... I would totally go through this procedure every single day if I never had to have a PAP again! I felt nothing at all. My body was elevated to the 90ish degree angle that JLo assumed in the Back Up Plan and there we sat for 25 minutes. Tonight I am a bit crampy but I think it is ovulation pain...on each side so I'm pretty sure I am ovulating from both ovaries :) I begin prometrium on Saturday and have my progestrone level drawn on Tues the 27th. On the 28th I go back to work so that will help the last week of my 2WW go by quicker... I have a beta scheduled first thing Tuesday the 3rd of April. HOWEVER I will be POAS as of Friday I think because I want to see right when the positive happens... you know I really want this to happen the first time so my Dr has to eat his words... I may be old but these cougar eggs are fighters!

Please Pray that this works the first time!

Wandy Appt at 8AM

Well tomorrow morning I have a hot date with Mr Wandy and its CD13 so dIUI #1 is happening! Love and I are so excited and ready for this next step! I have 14 pregnancy tests all stocked up in the bathroom, that may seem like obsessing but this is the first time I will ever be excited to POAS. With my Rh Sensitivity I have always been in the situation knowing that my ex was not a compatible blood type and I would break out in a sweat and hives at the thought of being pregnant. We were very careful, but I ended up pregnant with various birth control methods. It is horrific to know you are pregnant and that your body hostile to the baby you are carrying. Hostile to the point of mortality. SO to have a positive pregnancy test in the past was to feel like I was killing a baby I wanted more than anything. after my last loss I got an Mirena IUD the first birth control to WORK the way it should have. When Love and I decided to go through surrogacy we had it removed so we could harvest my eggs for our surrogate. I have been IUD free since that time. I had told Love that we needed to decide what we were going to do so I could have one inserted if we weren't going to cycle again to get more embryos. He came to me last December and told me he wanted us to explore dIUI with me carrying. I had given up any hope of carrying a baby of our own... My hubby gave me the best gift ever in that moment! Allowing me to carry our child gives us a baby we both yearn for, and gives me the gift so many others take for granted. I look forward to getting a positive test, and telling him that he is finally going to be a Daddy! I also look forward to POAS all happy and filled with anticipation. SO 8 AM CST is the appointment time and I would appreciate all the good thoughts and sticky vibes as we attempt to peg the ever elusive egg!